Sorry I haven’t posted in over a month everyone! Things are obviously going well with BSH, because we are both not seeing other people, and therefore I haven’t had any crazy date stories for you. I have been going back and forth about blogging about the details of entering in to a relationship with one person, in the event we end up together. But for now, I think there’s some worthy things to share with those interested in seeing how a 29 year old virgin deals with such trials in life!
So we have been seeing each other almost on a daily basis. Luckily he works pretty close to my apartment, so we’ve been able to get together for a few hours after work as well as spend weekends together. One of the things I really like about him is that he is very laid back and open to suggestion. So every time we get together we do something different and fun: see a movie, get Chinese take-out and watch Netflix, take the dogs (yes, I got a puppy – another reason I’ve been MIA) for a walk on the beach or around town, go out for diner or drinks, etc. He’s extremely generous, thoughtful and affectionate. He’s affectionate in his touch and his words. He tells me regularly how much he misses me and how much he likes me. From everything I’ve seen in this guy, he’s perfect: he’s kind, giving, intelligent, has a good job, makes good money, is really sexy, selfless, gets along with my family, and is open to chastity. What else could I want? I don’t know.
He’s asked me to be his girlfriend. Twice. And I keep putting him off. I’m trying to take it slow and make sure I don’t dive in to something without having all the information in front of me. I haven’t met his family or friends yet, but he’s met mine. I haven’t seen where he’s come from. I think that is so essential. He’s seen this side to me and is ready to commit, but I feel like a large chunk of who he is, still has not been revealed. I feel like an asshole because essentially I just have to wait to see if there are any “deal breakers” and am only focusing on finding the negative, opposed to exploring the positive of what is to come. He might have PTSD issues. I know he has a strained relationship with both of his parents for different reasons. He’s got a somewhat troubled past, dabbling in beating the shit out of people and being arrested for it. He dabbled with minor drug use in college, and had all sorts of weird parts of his body pierced. All of this stuff isn’t a deal breaker for me, especially if it’s all in the past and/or doesn’t affect the present/future. But these are all things I need to learn with time. And I can’t exactly spell that out for him without being offensive or sounding judgmental.
He keeps pushing to move things forward, wanting me to be his girlfriend, and is incessant with asking me to stay over. The more he asks, the more I feel pressured. I hate his house. Aside from the fact that it’s old, dirty and creepy, he bought it back when he started dating his ex. She lived there. She has some of her shit in the basement still. He has things around the house that remind me of her: Netflix movies, her paintings on the wall, mermaid pictures, etc. His dog is the dog they got together, who he lets sleep in the bed. The bed he wants me to sleep in is where she (and their dog) slept for 3 years prior. I can’t help be feel this evil wave of jealousy rip through my entire body when he asks me to stay over.
Aside from feeling weird about his house all together, I don’t feel there is any good that can come out of spending the night with someone you are trying to have a chaste relationship with. He’s incredibly hot, and I want to be with him. We’ve already managed to push things further than I’d like. Staying over would be way too challenging.
I won’t even start about Facebook, which is what started the whole issue with the ex last time around. Once I agree to be his girlfriend, I have to Facebook friend him. He’s still friends with his ex’s on there. I don’t want to deal with that – seeing pictures of them together and reading comments from them over a past life together. He and his other ex (fiance) still stay in touch, despite the fact that she is now married. I find it incredibly inappropriate. His excuse is they are working on a long-term project together that is not finished.
I’m not sure how to approach these subjects with him, because one, they mainly make me sound like a green-eyed, jealous monster-bitch, and two, I don’t want to get in a fight over them. He’s told me in the past that if cutting off the exes is something necessary to make me happy, he’d do it. But I don’t want to approach a relationship saying “I’ll be your girl if you do X,Y,Z.” I’ve tried to be honest and say I need more time to get to know him, but that I see us moving towards a relationship. He agreed to be patient with me, but he clearly doesn’t want to be.